Barack Hussein Obama, the 44th President of the United States, announced this morning that he will resign the Presidency, effective immediately. The President cited his continuing remorse for foisting the Health Care Bill on the American public and his compulsive behavior in taking America into war in Libya without Congressional approval as being the primary reasons for his resignation. “I just don’t know what gets into me,” he sobbed, “I can’t help myself.”
Golf legend Tiger Woods was quick to invite Obama to move in with him. “We both have our burdens to bear,” he said.
COMMENTS:
Vice President Joe Biden will be sworn in at a special White House ceremony tonight. He has already announced that he is nominating Rush Limbaugh to be the new Vice President.
TODAY’S QUERIES & ANSWERS:
Q. What will NASA do after their last space flight? (Brad ~ Redding, CA)
A. They’re signing up for “Dancing With The Stars.”
Q. Do you think they will legalize pot in the U.S.? (Lynda ~ Bakersfield, CA)
A. Not until the pot growers start contributing to political campaigns.
Q. New that she doesn’t have a free Air Force plane any more, how does Nancy Pelosi get back and forth between Washington and San Francisco? (Al ~ Tremonton, UT)
A. She rides her broom.
TODAY’S QUOTE:
“When I go to a bar, I don't go looking for a girl who knows the capital of Maine.” ~ David Brenner
TODAY’S VIDEO:
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