Now, we graduate from the FLAT RABBIT PRESS to more current writings of importance.
The last time I replaced pillows in this house was back before FDR was elected President. I mean, these feather pillows were getting rather raunchy. Even the mice moved out.
So, I started looking on the Internet and found what I wanted at Amazon.com and placed the order for two pillows and two pillow covers. Ten days later, four pillows arrived and no pillow covers. So, I called Amazon and got the traditional 40 days and 40 nights of hold time before I finally got to speak to a live person. They were apologetic enough, told me to keep the extra two pillows and they would send the covers right away. “Well,” I said, in that case send me four pillow covers and I’ll use the extra pillows for company.”
About ten days later, four more pillows arrived. So, I decided to switch tactics and ordered four pillow covers from Wal-Mart.com. Now, these guys are fast with the delivery. Four days later, four pillows arrived. By now, the mice had decided to move back in.
I emailed Wal-Mart. No more phone calls for me, I decided; I want everything in writing. Back came the reply, lickety split: “I can attempt to have the manufacturer send you a replacement part. It can take up to 14 days to receive a replacement part.” How many parts does a pillow have, anyway? Or a pillow cover, for that matter.
And by the way, I just got an email from Amazon.com. It seems they’re having a sale and they thought I’d like to buy some pillow covers for my recently purchased pillows.
And people wonder why I drink.
I was working in the accounting department at the Flamingo back in 1971. It was located on the third floor near the Sky Room. Just inside the door sat a fat old Jewish broad named Delores. I think the boss had her sit there to scare away salesmen; her looks would intimidate a grizzly bear in heat. And, she had the disposition to go along with her looks; she was obnoxiously grouchy and downright mean.
My wife had just delivered our second son. As it so happens, her gynecologist was also an obstetrician and he was also Delores’ gynecologist, although I didn’t know it at the time. Well, I was walking into the office after a few days off, and carrying a ton of interoffice mail in a big box. Delores nailed me. “I hope you are happy with yourself,” she snarled.
“Why, what did I do?” I asked, as I tried desperately to shuffle past her fat butt.
“Your wife made me miss my gynecologist’s appointment,” she stated. “I do not appreciate that.”
“What do you mean?”
“Doctor Eithe is not just an obstetrician, you know. He also is my gynecologist and I had an appointment last Friday at 2:00 PM and he was out of the office delivering your son, and I do not appreciate that.”
I’d had it with this woman, and she was about to feel my wrath. “That explains it,” I said.
“Explains what?”
“All of this time, we all here thought you were just fat, but it now turns out you’re pregnant.”
Kabooom! Her feet hit the floor and she went charging into the boss’ office like a bull-elephant. I heard his office door slam shut and a whole lot of screaming going on.
After a few minutes, when I was at my desk watching the rest of the staff trying not to laugh, Delores came out, grabbed some things off of her desk and headed out the door. The boss immediately hollered for me to get into his office, right now. “Did you actually say that?” he thundered.
“Well, yes.” I copped the plea.
“Do you realize that her husband is a stockholder in this hotel? Do you realize she’s been employed here for eighteen years? Do you realize that you just pissed off a former winner of the Employee of the Year Award?”
“After all she has done to this department and her attitude, I couldn’t think of any other way to handle it,” I muttered.
“Well, you know what?” he glowered. “You might think you’re God’s gift to the casino business, but I will forever be known as the one who fired her sorry ass.”
See you next Wednesday.
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